• Beverley Watkins

I Have Been Afraid

I have been afraid.

As I stared at my blog, untouched since 11 January this year, I realized that I have been afraid. In fact I have been downright scared to actually write anything this year. Oh I have told myself that I have just been too busy, just not had inspiration, not been sure what to write. But today, I forced myself to say it. I am scared.

As more and more people signed up to read my blog, and listen to my teachings, I became afraid. I became afraid of what they would think. Of how they would react. Would people write nasty comments about me? Would they think I was crazy? Would they think I was too proud? As you know, these types of thoughts never lead anywhere good. It just paralyzed me with fear and hence… no blog post since January 2017!

But today, as I forced myself to face my fear – and write about it – I am putting into practice a quote I wrote in my journal at the beginning of this new season in my life. DO THINGS THAT TERRIFY YOU, IT BUILDS COURAGE! I

have always loved this quote as it resonates with the pioneer in me. But when you actually have to do it and not just post the quote on Facebook, it is difficult. But as we all know, growth comes by doing the hard and difficult things.

In this season, we are all being challenged to do things we have not done before. And God is the One who is

challenging us. He has said over and over that He is looking for a new wineskin. And we have said over and over, “Yes Lord. We agree. Use us. Change us.” And then when He starts drying out the old wineskin, we squeal because we do not want to change. I have come to realise that when God says new, He means NEW. He does not mean the same old thing with a patch on it. In fact the scripture in Luke 5: 36 clearly says this!

God wants a new wineskin. This will require us to acquire some new thinking. It will require us to let go of old mindsets and allow His Word to renew our minds so we can be TRANSFORMED (according to Romans 12:2). And this stuff IS SCARY!!!!

As God renews our mind, we start thinking differently and this means we start acting differently and pretty soon everything you say and do is challenging the status quo. And we all know that when you do that or question ‘the way it has always been done’, you get reaction. But what are we to do when God is the One who is constantly pressing us to become a new wineskin? I have chosen to always say ‘yes’ to Him, so as He presses me to change, guess what – I run into the fears that would keep me imprisoned in old thinking and structures. And today, I identified a big one in my life. The fear of man.

Just writing this down is me turning and facing my fear. Today I choose to look it in the eye and identify it. It will no longer be a dark, nameless feeling that paralyses me. I turn the light of God on it and say, I see you and I will overcome you in and through the strength of the Lord Jesus Christ. His Word says, “The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord will be safe.”Proverbs 29:25. I choose to trust in the Lord.

I share this today because I know that there are many of you out there who, like me, have hidden fears. The enemy is exploiting these fears to stop you from stepping into God’s destiny for you. Maybe you have been stuck in the same place for a while and just cannot break out of the rut. Maybe you have been paralysed, unable to move forward, just as I have been. There might be a hidden fear that has caused you to fall into a snare.

What has God spoken to you that you are afraid to do? For some of us, we are even too afraid to put into words what we heard God say. What is it that you are resisting doing? And why? What is the ‘hard’ thing you are facing in your life and what is making it hard? If you can identify that, you will identify the next place of growth in your life. When we face our fears and shine the truth of God into them, fear is driven out and we have room to grow into the new wineskin that God wants us to become.

It is time to face our fears…


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